Here’s the thing…I generally try to keep an upbeat demeanor when I’m blogging about health, fitness,weight loss,etc. But you know what? Sometimes sitting on this side of the computer sits a disheartened, ticked off girl. Real talk.
I’ve been desperately trying to balance out training for a 1/2 marathon and the weight loss challenge at the gym. They are two different beasts. One may think that distance running = weightloss, it’s not that simple. I am working on interval training, strength training, a little cross training for the triathlon and throwing in distance runs. I didn’t blog last week because I was in a mad-at-the-world kinda mood and for anyone debating starting their challenge, I’m afraid every time I started typing…that crummy beast of an attitude might deter you. Here’s what happened:
I had my first official weigh in. I’ve been following the nutritionist orders. Monitoring my carb and protein intake,eating 60% of my calorie intake before dinner, hydrating like a fish,working out like an animal- you get me,right? So when I weighed in at a loss of 10lbs and only .3% of my body fat you can imagine the sinking feeling in my heart.
To top it off that Saturday morning I was headed out for a 12 mile run. I usually do not run in the morning- but I woke up early and headed out with my sister. Miles 1 to 10 were great! I felt good, my body felt good.
This is Megan at our 6 mile marker- 1/2 way.
As soon as I hit mile 10 I could literally feel my body breaking down, my shoulders,hips,calves- slowly each step jolted me into a new state of misery. Just about to my subdivision my calves started seizing- tightening up – a pain that I can honestly say I never want to experience again. I made it home. My body was sickly uncomfortable, I don’t know how else to describe it. I sat down on the couch for a second but was agitated. My arms and shoulders were stiff from running for over two hours …making the attempt to peel my sweat soaked clothes off a challenge. I hopped in the shower but my body felt so broken I ended up LAYING DOWN right in the tub- letting the shower pelt me. I laid in the bottom of the tub until the hot water was completely gone,made it to bed and slept 3.5 hours straight. Miserable. I’ve been training for this and THIS is how I feel?
This is where my mad-at-the-world attitude kicked in. Damn it, what am I working so hard for if I’m not dropping weight/body fat AND if my body can’t handle a freakin’ run that I’ve been training for.
Ah! Life can be cruel. So I had pizza. Not just pizza, like 1/2 a pizza and I lost count of the number of breadsticks.
I wish I could adequately encompass my anger with words. Gosh, this girl was pissed.
But dang it, here’s the thing: I have this partner in the BTC challenge that is relying on me to at least try and I have a race my sister gifted me for Christmas – a race we would be running together.
I can let myself Down- I can’t let them down.
So Sunday, after knocking on the door of death, Troy and I hit the gym. We had an easy day letting my legs rest and swimming a few laps.
Someone had previously taught me when presented with a challenge, to better focus and clarify your goals – to ask yourself one question: What does a win look like?
What does a “win” look like for me, Melissa?
I decided this. A win for me is obtaining a healthy lifestyle, eating habits, and continually striving to push myself to a better state of health. Yes, I want to wear a single digit pant size but if I’m a healthy freaking 14 the rest of my life, able to stay active and I can continually push myself…I have to count that as a win.
The magnet on my fridge (a good place for it)
As far as the 1/2, a win is crossing the finish line with my sister by my side and the ones I love on the sidelines, cheering us on- believing in me. It’s doing something I’ve only dreamed of doing and being surrounded by people I love while doing it. (A little corny, but sometimes I’m like that). THAT is a what winning for ME looks like. I feel like there are some of you that may consider this a “throw in the towel” moment. I struggle with that because I DO want to win (everything) but sometimes I need to embrace what is important in my goals and focus on that. Argh…I’m not sure if I’m conveying this to you exactly how it’s laying on my heart. I hope that some of you understand where this girl is coming from.
I can’t be super encouraging today. Mainly because, I’m digging for a little myself.
Find what a win is for you, and freaking own it, even when you want to quit.
( I say winning here because mad OR sad, winning is what we do,right? Game face, friends- we got this)